The Socialist Literary Society of Cellar Doors is a colossal, socially progressive nation, ruled by Mithrandir with a fair hand, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, smutty television, and soft-spoken computers. The compassionate, democratic population of 8.948 billion Cellar Doorsians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded, outspoken government prioritizes Education, with Administration, Environment, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Defense and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Arda. The average income tax rate is 95.6%.

The all-consuming Cellar Doorsian economy, worth a remarkable 1,169 trillion Tolkiens a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 130,737 Tolkiens, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Proper policy proposals prerequire professional peer-reviewed papers, preschools put children down for naps with milk, cookies, and a gruesome story of vengeance, boys who take just one date to the high school prom are called 'losers', and funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cellar Doors's national animal is the Giant Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Cellar Doors is ranked 7,566^th in the world and 407^th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 137 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.